I attended a Rotary breakfast this week and noticed my friend Randy with a shirt that appeared off-balanced. It was a pressed, button-down shirt that he was wearing untucked in one of those trendy ways today, but one side of the shirt was longer than the other. I dismissed this as just another modern fashion that I am unaware of. Then I looked closer and noticed the collar of his shirt was also off. Assuming this was now a buttoning error, and since Randy is a friend, I felt comfortable pointing this out to him. He thanked me, excused himself for a moment, and came back buttoned up to perfection — and ribbed me for being the clothing police.
It happens. Most all of us have erred in getting dressed in some way. Many of us have been guilty of “leaving the barn door open.” For you city folks, that’s a reference to accidentally leaving the zipper on your pants down. This is a more awkward situation to address with others, as you leave the unzipped person wondering why you were looking down there in the first place.
My junior high wrestling coach, Fritz Nielsen, would frequently point out to me how proud he was of having matching socks on. I didn’t understand the accomplishment, until Fritz explained to me that he dressed himself each morning in the dark. With a degree of color blindness, I can relate.
When I was coaching youth wrestling, my fellow coaches and I would do our best to help our athletes dress properly for competition. Inevitably, though, a newcomer to the sport would step on the mat with his singlet on backwards and then take a ribbing by his teammates. This was a mistake that a wrestler would make only once.
Truth be told, I have made my share of dressing mistakes, and I am not referring to Bleu Cheese. I am convinced this is inherited, as my father, Wayne, would often miss a loop with his belt. When we noticed others doing this, my siblings and I would affectionately refer to this as “pulling a Wayne.” For whatever reason, I seem to be “pulling a Wayne” more often now when I get dressed. Maybe I am in a hurry. Maybe my fingers don’t work like they used to. Or maybe I just don’t care. Probably all three.
There’s a solution to all this. Don’t wear shirts with buttons. Avoid wearing belts, or leave your shirt untucked to hide the belt. And make sure all your socks are black.
Needless to say, and despite Randy’s reference, I am not really a member of the clothing police. Meanwhile, you may want to check your belt loops. You may have pulled a Wayne.
Have a wonderful Wednesday, and thanks for reading.
Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com | 
